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It's been many, many years since I played a role-play hack n' slash scenario, but that's really what moderating the forum has come to.



There's very little time to actually read and digest what someone is saying, even if it interests me. Sometimes I take a time-out and try to respond to the more intriguing threads, but I spend so much time deleting the crap, that by the time I get around to thinking on a subject, I can't be arsed to write about it.



Even tonight, I saw a couple of things that I'd like to comment on, but it's already late and there's a lot of other threads I haven't looked at yet.

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Genesis
18:31 Apr 30 2008

That must be a thankless job, surfing through the garbage in the main forums.

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Recent events in my life allowed me to step outside of VR as an all-encompassing entity, and the new perspective provided me with a new view of people and their actions here.



It is startling, and a little saddening for me to have such a shift in my opinions of so many. It has led me to ask many questions, both of myself and in consideration of others.



There is detachment for me now. Cold reasoning has taken over and while I may mock the particularly foolish, I really don't have a reason to 'get involved' any more. I don't 'hate' anyone, because I don't allow some stranger on a website to affect my life so deeply, at least, not any more.



And why do I mock them? Because it offers me some light relief from the inane which fills the forum and the profiles and journals so often now. I read and moderate ten times as many thread as any other person here, so rather than allow anger and frustration to boil over and affect my own happiness, I turn it around and level some cutting remarks towards those who choose to open themselves to such criticisms.



A lot of people really read a lot into what I type as well, failing to realise that I rarely write in anger and often, in jest, or quiet contemplation. I am very softly spoken ad I smile and laugh far more often than I frown.



And so I wonder why then, it is that some others choose to read such deep aggressive intent into my expressions?



Perhaps it is the case that they play their own emotional state on top of my meanings?



I'm not sure, but I know that there have been many times where people flip off the deep end over little more than a casual comment, bearing no spite of rancour, just a little humour.



It's good to have a sense of humour, it makes the world seem a much nicer place, despite all of the nasty things which exist in it.



And so it is confusing to me when people take a journal entry of mine and apply it to themselves, leading to some hyped up little hissy fit over something not intended for them to take to heart.



It's also slightly amusing when people take it upon themselves to post replies to my journal entries in their own, perhaps to critique or contradict, since they are blocked from commenting in mine.



And then we have the behaviour of those who think that people are being unreasonable, by asking the same questions that I would ask, yet ending up being berated and the private conversation posted to a journal.



Why do this, I ask myself, but find no other answer than many have posited in the past. That they enjoy the impressions of power that they hold, unrealising that it is insignificant in terms of the ability to care about someone and show it in a meaningful way.



Interference and a need to grab peoples attention, to take on all the responsibility as if the weight of the world rests upon your actions. This is sociopathic- it's losing sight of the critical truth that we are all just people, no more or less than that when we walk away from the screen and out into the street.

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Morrigon
19:09 Apr 28 2008

Why mock? Why not? Shit we have to get our kicks somewhere, some people make it way too easy.



I personally love it when people say the Dominars are abusing their "power".



These freakish geeks put the power in your hands and then whine about it instead of seeing you as people who generously donate your time to keep this place working.



Instead of reacting like adults and intelligently asking you a question about a decision you made, they throw hissy fits, then throw even bigger hissy fits when their previous hissy fit got them nothing but public ridicule.



I'll never understand it...Yet I'm not sure I want to since laughing at them is incredibly relieving.



We are people, what ever happened to enjoying intelligent debates? You and I differ in our beliefs at times, but we don't hold it against each other...I think... o.O

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Sinora
19:59 Apr 28 2008

You may know that when you make fun of peoples 'peculiarities' there is no malice or anger behind it, but they don't.



So, some will find what you say hurtful, some funny, some people may even fear you.



Your IQ is a friend to you but a formidable enemy to 'them'.



I'm pleased you wrote this and that you smile more often than you frown.

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imagesinwords
20:02 Apr 28 2008

I won't assume to know who or what sparked this, but it makes me think about, stuff...



It is hard for anyone to read text and get the true meaning of it sans tone. All you can do is imagine using the chosen words of the writer.



We've disagreed several times in private, and it has bothered me every time. I know that I give effort in trying to understand you, and I do try to put your written words into the voice I have heard. It has helped me find perspective.



I do know, that for a very long time, I have publically supported you. We should never expect to always agree, but as friends, if we are, we should expect to accept each other's valid points of view.



I spend 8 to 10 hours a day (sometimes more) on this website. I am in the forum, on profiles, portfolios, journals, and brought into every fight between members from domestic abuse to stalkers. Trust I know about putting work into this place. I do it because I want to be a part of it. I enjoy it. I want it. I only have a handful of real friends here. That's just the way it is being a member in this capacity.



It will never be easy, popular, cool, or boring being on this staff. But wild horses couldn't pull me away :)

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STABB666
20:33 Apr 28 2008

It is disquieting to invest so much in something for scant reward. It is even disheartening when trying to engage in those meaningful debates and no-one responds.



I won't tar everyone in saying there is no-one that can act with a little common sense and politeness, but they are a minority. The reactions to a closed thread are often petty and unjustified. When people have approached me with civility, I have often responded positively, to the point of correcting my own decisions.



When people act like they deserve something from me and I must provide it to them now, they often find themselves rebuffed and blocked.



If I hurt someone and they tell me so, I always can apologise. I am not bigger than anyone's feelings, or my own sense of guilt.



Maybe I drive too hard at something, an old habit dying hard, but since that's the way I learned to debate, it is difficult to soften the approach.



My writing this has almost nothing to really do with VR in itself, but that was a factor and it especially wasn't from anything an individual has done. It's a generalised impression that I have now.



Those select few who have spoken to me, or seen me on cam when in conversation, may well attest to the manner I have. I'm really not the scary STABB, Righteous Dominar of VampireRave and Lord of the Coven, Destroyer of Whelps and Trolls, Enlightened to the Ignorant and Monster From the Deep Dark. I'm me and the image here is not entirely my own creation.



Dress me in the garb of whatever is needed for you to like me or loathe me, but remember that this is only a single facet of who I really am.



Disagreements can always be made from a point of mutual respect, but there is no room in my life to try and fix everything. So many have come to me for advice, to solve their problems, but how can I, how can any of us really make a difference in peoples lives through a screen, with the barest interactions?



It's unfair to level that expectation upon anyone and while those who can, deserve the credit for that, not everyone will be able or willing to put their own lives on hold for someone they barely know.



I cannot deny the changes that VR has brought to my ife, but I can choose to interact on my terms in the future.



I don't mind being a hate figure, since those who do see me that way have no impact upon who I am inside. But I do take issue when my honour and dedication are called into question, when I am undermined in my decisions, that are made according to my interpretation of the rules here.



So many strange things have happened to my account, that I won't get into, but they add up to wonder why.



I care about my friends here, the people who have been consistent, for better or worse, in our relationships. I prefer honest and direct confrontation, even if I will disagree and be a bit annoyed for a while.



The measure of friendship is whether those events create a stronger bond, or fracture what is already weak.

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BubbleGumClaudia
03:35 Apr 29 2008

Most of these fuckers that get upset at you doing your job are stupid lil ignorant teenage twats giving themselves attention



I infact love when dominars make asses of these fuckwads....



And we all love your humor...





Oh look its MICKEY MOUSE!

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Oceanne
23:56 Apr 29 2008

Looks to me as though it has taught you alot.Look,you do a great job regardless of what anyone thinks or how they feel about it...you are one of the lucky ones who can actually walk away and live life other than here..albeit takes alot of your time and effort.

You rawk dude.

Keep kikkin ass and taking names .

And makin fun!

Makes for damn good journal reading anyway.

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I got the job, hands down and start two weeks today.



H'rray.



They will also pay for my MCSE and MCSA exams...and I might even get a CCNA out of them.



Woo.



Anyway, I'm going to get drunk and tell my current boss I quit. Heh,

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Vampirewitch39
17:21 Apr 28 2008

Way to go Stabb!!





*happy dance with you*



:)

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meeper
18:28 Apr 28 2008

That is awesome news Stabb. Congrats!

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Morrigon
19:10 Apr 28 2008

WOOH and then pee on his desk, that's what I would do!



Erm..uh...ahem..

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Sinora
19:36 Apr 28 2008

I have no idea what all those letters mean...but who cares ? You did it....yay I'm pleased for you x

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Joli
22:26 Apr 28 2008

Could there ever have been any real doubt? They're damned lucky to have you!

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Bones
00:47 Apr 30 2008

Congrats, wicked one! ;)

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Nightgame
22:00 Apr 30 2008

Hot Diggity :) Seems they recognized quality Way to go

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Hmm. I lost five pounds in the last week, so today, I ate two cream cakes and a donut...



I think it must be the mainly vegetarian diet I'm having right now. Making up some good meals too. It's been nine years since I was last a veggie, and I have to say that the choice has improved, a lot.



:)

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Fizbop
13:35 Apr 25 2008

This was your 666 Chaotic post congrats :)

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Sinora
09:53 Apr 27 2008

I put on half a stone last week and today I ate 4 cream cakes ....ohhh wait...I begin to see where I'm going wrong lol

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Hit 'im! Hit 'im hard!



Time for Joe to show us whether he's the real deal. National anthems being sung now...



The undefeated 44-0 Joe, against the 48-4 'Bernard'.



Bernard is a silly name for a boxer, really...

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STABB666
04:13 Apr 20 2008

The new, Undefeated, Light-Heavyweight Champion of the World, Joe Calzaghe!

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Sinora
11:35 Apr 20 2008

Go Joe lol

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Well, I finally got fed up of the long hair and am now shorn of it, with a nice new cut. Needed to be done for Tuesday anyway, but I am still a little sad about it. Aww.



Something I'm more sad about, is my weight. Before I went to SC, I was about 182lbs. I'm now at 210. Even at six feet, it's heavy. Not a huge amount of fat though. I guess the exercises and karate are adding a bit of muscle, but two stones is a lot to put on on the space of six months or so.



I can still get into most of my trousers, except the jeans are a bit snug. But that is because I am a big boy. heh.

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Nightgame
23:57 Apr 19 2008

You have left me speechless with the "big boy" comment. Nothing I say won't sound naughty.

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LadyChordewa
00:29 Apr 20 2008

*Drools*

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BubbleGumClaudia
01:13 Apr 20 2008

Boy If I Have To Drag Your Ass In Front Of A Camera And Take Pictures Of You To Show You That You Aren't Fat I WILL!!!

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Flannery
03:02 Apr 20 2008

All the Amurrrcan food done fatten yous up.

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KCRC
03:33 Apr 20 2008

DAMN!



Y'All must be eatin' Grits and liver mush for breakfast every mornin'..Pulled pork or fried chicken with hush puppies and 4 slices of white bread fer lunch and Country Ham, bisquits and red eye gravy fer supper!

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Joli
04:04 Apr 20 2008

1. He's back in England now, so it's got to be all the Yorkshire puddings and choccies!



2. He's on camera right now, and you're damn right he's not fat. He's perfect and I'm keepin' him! (I'd keep him even if he WERE fat!)

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Oceanne
04:10 Apr 20 2008

Haha about time you cleaned yo ass up!



jk

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Joli
04:13 Apr 20 2008

Oh, and just wait til you move here and start eating all the Cajun food I'm going to serve you! Better take double karate classes!

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STABB666
04:17 Apr 20 2008

Welll...if I have to take on three of you in the dojo when I get there, I suppose I can train twice a week...

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Oceanne
04:39 Apr 20 2008

Oh boi..you honestly think the dojo would help when it comes to takin on a Coon@$$? I wish you the best in that endeavour,I really do.You better off stayin on her good side believe me...Just eat what she feeds you,and be a good little Stabb.

Oh,no worries,She'll get you into shape,Im sure.

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RedQueen
07:41 Apr 20 2008

Tight jeans on a cute ass.....





How LOVELY......

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Sinora
11:35 Apr 20 2008

It hurts to give a skinny guy a hug lol

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BubbleGumClaudia
03:38 Apr 29 2008

And Stabb??? If you're 6 feet im like 10....



theres no way you're THAT TALL!

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I have an interview next Tuesday afternoon. For a company that provides It support to the courts and lawyers. I will finally get security cleared and the money is good enough.



The initial telephone interview went well, except I forgot how to promote a member server to be a domain controller, but it wasn't a big deal, since I'm not likely to have to do that for this job.



It does mean that I'll be getting my hair cut, so I'm trying to get some pictures of it long, but most of them so far have been bad...

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Genesis
00:40 Apr 18 2008

I hope it goes well for you.

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Morrigon
00:41 Apr 18 2008

As long as you look tall and I can see up your nose, the pictures are fine.

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Nightgame
02:38 Apr 18 2008

I'll cross my fingers for you and hope you get a great position there. Sorry bout the hair but some short hair styles on guys are awesome too.

*I gotta admit Morrigon's comment had me scrolling back up* lol Dang you are tall!

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Sinora
06:53 Apr 18 2008

Yes, I forget how to promote that damn member server sometimes *sighs*....wishing you well.

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artemka
21:41 Apr 18 2008

Good Luck :D

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Vampirewitch39
22:19 Apr 18 2008

Good Luck! You will have to tell us how it goes. :)



Oh come on- I have seen you, no way you can take a bad picture.

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Something I've never done before, certainly not publicly, is to say how proud I am of the Coven I've put together and of those people who are the heart of it, both past and present, and who have acted with dignity, maturity and as individuals who know their own mind.



It is a quiet place, but it is an easy going atmosphere, and it also carries a weight of seriousness that I had hoped for. I've sought out the very best people I could find (who were available), and have been very pleased with the contributions that have been made.



A recent poll gathered votes to say that I am the 'scariest' Coven master, but I doubt that any of those who know me, really believe that. I have to then step outside and look at the presentation I have here on VR, one which can be intimidating at face value.



I can admit that on more than one occasion, I have been 'slightly less than patient' with other members on the site, but on the other hand, I do have a sense of humour, honestly. If anyone was to see me smile, they might realise that my words are not given with malice, but with a preciseness that can appear cold and calculating, but is usually laced with sarcasm.



So to be associated with the fine people of The Darkest Blood, is a blessing in disguise, since they allow me the chance to consider who I am here and the manner of my actions, lest I fall in their esteem.



With other recent events in my life, I do feel as though I've passed a zenith in my attitudes toward life. While I may still enjoy 'childish things', they are the distraction from the seriousness I now hold for my own life and that of others.



And to Joli, one of those people who has enabled me to come out of a darkness, I offer a great thanks, not just for that time you gave and still give, but for the support, kindness and opportunity I have been provided through you to become more than I ever believed I could be.



Perhaps it was in me, but perhaps also, I might never have found it without you, and I love you for this.

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robin3
01:26 Apr 16 2008

:) running my own coven here has shown me about the same with in my off line life as well.



Haveing the responceablity of the coven. Goes far within me that wasn't there before i joined vr.



(sorry for the mis spells...lol) (can't perfect every thing at once...lol)

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BubbleGumClaudia
03:39 Apr 16 2008

Stabb...



we all know that you have a sense of humor...



you are the best of the best especially with the sarcasam...



I Lubbs You!!!



Now Take Off Your Shirt Please???? ;)

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Flannery
05:44 Apr 16 2008

Some may think you're scary, but I think you're a big softie. Just a big mushy baby, really.





Awwwwww.

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Joli
15:36 Apr 16 2008

You're as scary in your role here as Winnie the Pooh armed with a cork gun and fortified with a cooking pot on his head while he guards his honey stores.



As to the rest, you are one of the truest hearts I have ever met. You are a gentleman in a world that barely remembers the word. You possess wit, humility, generosity, and self-confidence in equal measure. Perhaps my favorite trait, though, is your hunger to learn. The scope of that hunger seems boundless, and is coupled with a teachable spirit.



It is my honor to know you.

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Vampirewitch39
21:48 Apr 17 2008

Sending you some loving... and a hug.

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Nightgame
02:36 Apr 18 2008

Maintaining a serious soul while enjoying a childish heart is something I envy you then. Sorry I know you're supposed to be very scary but it just doesn't work for me. You've always been logical and honest and that isn't something to fear in my mind.

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Sinora
06:51 Apr 18 2008

I agree with Joli.

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meeper
18:18 Apr 18 2008

Luckily those polls do not indicate anything other than how some people perceive you in an administrator capacity. My guess is that your active coven members and many others, who have come to know you, could only speak of you in a positive light

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STABB666
18:21 Apr 18 2008

Welll...not everyone who knows me.



I've upset people in the past, but really, if a friendship is real and strong, it will survive such things.

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I think I've finally finished, or at least gotten so bored that I'm going to give up, but my 'spring cleaning' is done.



I've cleared many, many old entries from my journal which were no longer relevant to my life, moved a whole load of Funny Forum entries to the right section, going all the way back to August '06, and backed up all of my poetry and dreams, just in case...



I've also taken the liberty of trimming my lists of those whom I no longer have any interaction with, though not personal, it got to the stage where some people hadn't even been online for years.



I've got some job interviews lined up and new reasons to get out of the house, a new house I'm living in too, so it's fresh, like the scent on the wind today.



Summer is coming and that strange feeling I always have, with the way the light seems different, and the wind too.



This year, I feel reflective, more complete in myself. Almost restful. I look forward to seeing the trees come alive again and feel confident about my plans for the future.



My hair has grown long and even though my body hurts more than ever, I can admit that I have a measure of happiness right now, born out of a very bleak experience in my life.

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Nightgame
01:59 Apr 16 2008

Sounds like a really good space you're in right now, both physically and mentally. I'm happy for you. :)

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Today, I found a local class which teaches the Tai Chi form which I once learnt (and intend to again).



The style I have taken up for myself, is from the Li family, where I have only yet achieved the lowest grade of 9th Pan.



My previous teacher was a man named Peter Glenn, who was for twenty years a student of Master Chee Soo, the adopted 'nephew' and principle student of Grand Master Chan Kam Li.



Since the death of Chee Soo, many of his students have gone on to form their own styles based upon the Li family, causing rifts in friendships over 'purity' of the Form and how it should be taught.



My teacher held that Chan Kam Li's style, taught through Chee Soo, should remain effectively unchanged.



Though very few agree with my teacher, I have been fortunate enough to find a class which follows the same ideas very closely and I hope that I will enjoy it as much.



One part of this Form is known as the Eight Strands of Brocade, the first Tai Chi form I ever learned.



Even though I'm still going to attend a weekly Karate class, I will never gain the same satisfaction from such a physically aggressive Martial Art, as I do from Tai Chi.



My first class is tomorrow night and I look forward to bowing into it with a wry smile, and fond memories.

Extraversion iNtuition Thinking Perceiving



"ENTPs are known for their quest of the novel and complex. They have faith in their ability to improvise and to overcome any challenges that they face. They are highly independent, and value adaptability and innovation. They may be several steps ahead of others in encouraging and valuing change. They hate uninspired routine and resist hierarchical and bureaucratic structures that are not functional. They need freedom for action."

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Genesis
23:25 Apr 14 2008

I'm an ENFJ. I changed somewhere along the lines to ISTJ which was weird. It was a big departure for me and then years after I reverted to type I guess.

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I've been quite bereft of any real creative spark recently. With moving and looking for a new job, time has been at a premium, especially with the hours spent on VR, but that's not even really the issue.



Somehow, I switch off. It's empty inside, then I'll get thoughts and words at the most inopportune moments, like today, when I was walking back to work from lunch, and I came up with a wonderful opening line.



The trouble I have, is that I always stem those moments from growing into a complete work. Because once it's been written in my head, if it doesn't go down 'on paper' right away, then it no longer holds the same value for me to try and remember it and repeat it later.



It's as though it becomes changed, either by the fact that it lays now in a different moment, or that I forget the exact wording and the emotive content behind it. I suppose that is a result of time moving onward, experiencing a new train of thought. We can never ever go back and recapture those fleeting sparks and have them be the same as they were.



And that also is something I have 'trouble' with. I like to write in the moment, one shot, one single movement. If it doesn't come out right first time, then it's never going to come out again.



On occasion, I have gone back and adjusted pieces, based on advice from people who really know their stuff in regards to the English language, but they are minor tweaks which don't change the meaning significantly, or even at all.



So I get these times when it's a parched land in my mind, just a few green shoots here and there, which I deliberately shy away from watering, in case they wither and die before I can replant them properly.



Fortunately, I dig down a little and find plenty of water underneath, with many seeds waiting to be granted their life, however short they may end up being. I hope to see my own garden growing again during the coming summer.

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Nightgame
21:05 Apr 13 2008

I hate when it happens like this, a few things I thought might be really good I've written in my mind when driving and never reached paper with them. When I try to write it down later it's all changed on me and never flows the same again. I know you'll be inspired again though, it's your gift.

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So, I'm on the move again. And the place I've moved into today, doesn't have wireless...I never knew how much I appreciated that until it was gone.



This is the first step back on the road for me, so with hard work and a bit of luck, I'll get to the end of my journey as planned.

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imagesinwords
01:55 Apr 06 2008

Yes you will :) All the luck in the world to ya... but you'll get it anyway due to ambition, desire, and because of course the fact that you deserve it.

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Sinora
01:57 Apr 06 2008

yes good luck to you.

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Morrigon
02:09 Apr 06 2008

Good luck very tall person...

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Joli
09:51 Apr 06 2008

You're doing great and I'm proud of you. *hugs*

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Irony
15:54 Apr 06 2008

Good luck:) I am looking forward to the day your journey takes you past my door (preferably after I have detrashed the house *cry*) *hugs*

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